47: Situationships (Ep.2) | Fear of Being Safe: Activation vs Connection

If you’ve been stuck in the space between potential and commitment, this episode is your next layer.

In Episode 2 of my “Situationships to Commitment” series, we talk about what nobody warns you about: when you start shifting into something rooted, it doesn’t always feel amazing at first. Sometimes it feels quiet. Slower. Less charged. And that can confuse your nervous system—especially if you’ve spent years equating activation with connection.

We’re naming the nervous system truth: why the highs and lows can feel like intimacy, why “bracing” can start to feel like love, and why steady, emotionally available connection can initially register as “boring” or “no spark.” (Spoiler: boring isn’t always a red flag—sometimes it’s the absence of anxiety.)

You’ll also get a simple practice to help you discern peace vs numbness, and a powerful question to bring you back to truth:
What sensations do you associate with connection—and where did you learn that?

✨ Want to go deeper? My e-guide is linked below:
From Almost There to All the Way: A Bold Guide to Ending Situationships and Choosing Commitment
(“Super affordable” + built to help you stop cycling and start choosing your truth.)

Next episode: We get brutally honest about why we choose “almost there” in the first place—the protection, the pattern, the hidden payoff, and how to shift out of it for real.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why “rooted” can feel quiet (and why quiet can feel scary)
• Activation vs connection (and how the nervous system gets trained)
• Why people leave good love and call it “intuition”
• The difference between peace and numbness
• How to let your body catch up to your truth

Try this practice (quick + real):

When you’re with someone steady, ask:

• Do I feel peaceful or numb?
  Peace feels open + grounded. Numb feels shut down + disconnected.
  If you feel peace but your mind is searching for a problem, that’s often recalibration—not a warning sign.

Reflection question:

What sensations do you associate with connection… and where did you learn that? 

Chapters

• 0:00 Naming Almost-There Relationships
• 2:26 Show Intro And Series Context
• 4:24 Fear Of Being Fully Met
• 6:33 Activation Versus Connection
• 9:02 When Calm Feels Like Boredom
• 12:13 Why We Mislabel Intuition
• 15:02 Recalibrating Body And Truth

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

If you've been stuck in the space between potential and commitment, I want you to keep listening. Because almost there, as in almost their types of relationships, as in not a full commitment, but kind of a commitment, this isn't random. It's usually a strategy your heart learned to survive. So today we're going to name the hidden payoff. We're going to pull back the layers and we're going to start shifting into clarity. Stay with me. Welcome to Rooted in Rising. I'm your host, Tara Michelle, intuitive guide storyteller, and fellow traveler on this wild path of becoming. This is a space for the soul led, for the ones unraveling old stories tending to their healing and rising, not perfectly, but powerfully into who they are here to be. Here we explore what it means to live with intention, to love with depth, and to trust that even the hard things are shaping us. I'll share pieces of my own journey, the cracks, the beauty, the breakthroughs, and invite voices who are walking this path too. Because I believe life isn't happening to us, it's happening for us. So come as you are, root in and rise up. And thank you. Truly thank you for being here. Welcome back to the show Rooted in Rising. I am your host, Tara Michelle. I'm so excited to be here with you this week. And I just want to say thank you to all of those that have returned to listen. Those of you that are new to listen, uh, this show is where personal growth meets real life, intuition, healing, and honest conversations that help you break through patterns. Also brings you back home to yourself, rooting into your truth to help you build those relationships, rooting steady and true. And so that's a little bit about what this show is. But what we've been talking about this year in 2026 is I decided to do a little series on situationships to commitment. And so that's what we're talking about today. And that's what we're going to be diving into. Um, I do hope that all of you are having a fantastic new start to your 2026. And I hope that what we bring in this episode is going to be of value and make a difference for those of you who are interested in this topic. So in that last episode, we named the pattern. We told the truth about what I'd been living in and what so many of us live in, almost their relationships. The ones that are close, but no cigar. The ones that are close, but not clear. There's chemistry, but not commitment. There's connection, but not a full-body yes. And I shared the part that was hard to admit that almost there hasn't been random for me at all. It's actually been tied to a deep, deep fear, a fear of being fully chosen, a fear of being fully met, like the fear of receiving the real thing, fear of what happens when love actually shows up all the way and like meets you head on, face to face, face to face. So if that episode cracks something open for you, if you saw yourself in what I was sharing, this episode is the next layer. Because here's what nobody tells you. When you start shifting out of situationships and into something that's rooted, it doesn't always feel amazing at first. It's not like, whoa, it doesn't always feel like that. Rooted can feel quiet, slower, less charged. And honestly, it can, it can be confusing. And I want to normalize that immediately because people misread what's happening in their body. And I'm not gonna say all people, but some people, myself included. I have misread what was really happening in my body, and we walk away from the very thing we've been praying for. So today we're talking about the fear of the unfamiliar, not the fear of being hurt, it's the fear of being safe. So you ready for it? Let's talk about the nervous system truth, activation versus connection. Let's let's talk about that. If you've spent years navigating relationships that were uncertain, maybe relationships that are emotionally intense or inconsistent, your nervous system may have learned to associate activation with connection. In those dynamics, the highs feel euphoric, the lows feel painful, and the in-between keeps you focused, keeps you scanning, keeps you hoping, keeps you interpreting. Like you're interpreting every move, you're interpreting every text, you're interpreting everything that's been said. And that scanning, that constant internal checking, that's not love. That's your nervous system bracing. But if you've lived there long enough, bracing can start to feel like intimacy because it's familiar, because it's what your body knows. So then rooted energy shows up, right? It steps into your world and it's steady, it's present, it's emotionally available. And your system doesn't immediately say, Oh, finally, yes, it doesn't always say that. It doesn't automatically say that because you're so used to this other pattern. Your system sometimes will say, Whoa, wait, what is this? And it can feel unfamiliar at f at first, and and sometimes it can feel boring. And I want to say this clearly boring isn't always a red flag. It's not. Sometimes boring is simply the absence of anxiety. Imagine that. And sometimes what you're calling no chemistry is actually no chaos. And so I want to get into what rooted actually feels like. What does that feel like? Rootedness doesn't always come with fireworks, it sometimes comes with an exhale, it comes with not needing to decode someone to go figure, not needing to earn consistency, not needing to perform to keep them, and not needing to figure out where you stand every week. Rooted can feel like your shoulders dropping. And it can feel like not rehearsing conversations in your head at 2 fucking a.m. And here's where it gets sneaky. If you're used to adrenaline and unpredictability, calm will feel so freaking strange, and consistency can feel flat. Safety can then feel suspicious, and not because the person is wrong for you, but because your system is recalibrating literally. It means you might be detoxing from instability. Imagine that. Imagine that. So why do people leave good love and call it intuition? Right? Why? And this this was part of some of the questions I started asking myself. But the very thing I was just talking about is why many people unintentionally leave healthy connections. Not because they don't want stability, they absolutely want stability, but because stability doesn't trigger that same familiar signal. And sometimes we spiritualize it. We call it intuition, we call it my gut, we call it the spark isn't there. But if your gut has been trained in chaos, your gut might just be reacting to unfamiliar peace. And remember, these are all just things to consider. So the question becomes is this actually a lack of alignment, or is this my nervous system confusing safety with boredom? Because rooted doesn't always feel exciting. Sometimes it feels quiet enough that you finally have to face yourself. And that, yes, that can be terrifying. That's the scary part, is when you actually have to face yourself. And if you're listening to this and you're like, oh my God, this is so familiar, or oh my God, this is me, I want you to know I made a guide for this exact shift. And it's called From Almost There to All the Way: A Bold Guide to Ending Situationships and Choosing Commitment. It's my new rooted in rising e-guide. The link is in the show notes below. So if you want to take this deeper and just the next step further, I encourage you, check it out. Um, so here's the thing we talk about recalibration, letting your body catch up to your truth, right? Learning, what does that feel like? Learning to stay rooted means learning to let your body catch up to your truth. What is your truth? We have to understand what that is. Because your mind might know what you want: healthy love, commitment, emotional availability, consistency. Like we know that's what we want. But your body might still be hardwired for that anticipation, the uncertainty, the emotional spikes, the proving, the chasing of clarity. So here's the practice for this episode. It's simple, but it's real. And I really want you to try it on, put it, put, you know, where the rubber meets the road, put it into action. Because when you're with someone steady, it's going to feel uncomfortable. So here's some things to ask yourself. Do I feel peaceful or do I feel numb? Because those are not the same. Peace feels open, numb feels shut down. Peace feels grounded. Numb feels disconnected. Peace feels like you can actually breathe. While numb feels like you're not present. And if you feel peace, but your mind is searching for a problem, like it's literally looking for what's wrong, that's a sign you're recalibrating. And let this recalibration be like this very present, holy moment for yourself. Let it be awkward, let it be slow. You're not doing it wrong because it isn't dramatic. Drama is not a requirement for love. Drama, I'm gonna say that again. Drama is not a requirement for love. So I want to leave you with one question. And I want you to be gentle with yourself when you ask it. What sensations do you associate with connection? And then ask yourself, where did you learn that? Did you learn that love feels like bracing? Did you learn that love feels like waiting? Did you learn that love feels like uncertainty? And if so, there is no shame in really owning and taking accountability for this for yourself. Like really look. Because you can relearn things, you can unlearn old patterns and create new ones. Because rooted love doesn't keep you guessing. When you are rooted in your truth, you will not be guessing, you will not be scanning, you will not be chasing an emotional high. You'll be rooted in love that meets you where you are. You'll be rooted in your truth, you'll be rooted in your reality. So I just want to wrap things up here. If rooted feels unfamiliar, don't automatically label it wrong. Just don't. Because sometimes unfamiliar is just that. It's unfamiliar. Sometimes calm feels strange when you're used to bracing. You know, you're so used to looking for that thing or or you know, gauging every move, every move. And sometimes consistency feels flat when you've been conditioned by unpredictability. And sometimes safety feels suspicious when you've learned to stay alert. That's a big one. You know, but rootedness, like calm, rooted energy, energy that regulates your system. It doesn't always come with fireworks. It often comes with an exhale. And that exhale can often be mistaken for a lack of chemistry when in truth, it's simply the absence of anxiety. So again, if you want to go deeper with this work, I encourage you. My e-guide in the show notes, super affordable, made it affordable so it's accessible to everyone. And it's called From Almost There to All the Way: A Bold Guide to Ending Situationships and Choosing Commitment, a rooted and rising guide. It's the it's the new one that's out. And it's really built to help you stop cycling and start choosing your truth. Like, really, for real. Like let's end those situationships. Okay, no more situationships in 2026, y'all. We're gonna go straight into knowing who we are, rooting into our truth, you know, stepping and standing in that exhale, having our nervous systems be regulated, and getting truly committed to what matters and what makes a difference. So now in the next episode, we are going to get brutally honest about why we choose almost there in the first place. The protection, the pattern, the hidden payoff, and how to shift out of it for real. Because almost there, like I said before, it is not random, it is absolutely strategic. So meet me in the next episode. I am so excited to see you all next week. Thank you for joining me today. And as I said, if calm feels unfamiliar, be patient with yourself. Your system is learning safety. And like I said, in that next episode, we're gonna talk about why almost there can feel safer than all the way and how to break that pattern. Wishing you all a fantastic week. Thank you again for sticking around. Check out the show notes for the e-guide. And I look forward to seeing you guys on the next episode. Have a blessed week. Thank you for rooting in and rising with me today. If something in this episode stirred something in you, take a breath, take what you need, and let the rest soften. Be sure to follow the show so you don't miss what's next. And if you feel called, share this episode or leave a review. It helps the space grow and reach others on the path. Until next time, may you walk with trust, speak with love, and rise in your own time. I'm so grateful you were here with us, and thanks for being here. We'll see you on the next episode.